The Friendzone

I used to think that the “friendzone” was an actual zone, as the name indicates, that you could escape. I mean, if you look it up on YouTube or Google, the friendzone seems to be a concrete concept that everyone is aware of and that, if you put in the effort and master a few secret techniques, you can wiggle around the initial “no” of the person you are trying to attract. This is slimy to the point where I could throw up. I’ll get back to that in a second. Out of shameless egocentrism, I just need to talk about myself for a while now.

I used to turn every rejection I faced into a morality tale where I, the rejected, was the well-intentioned victim and the rejecter was a heartless Ice Queen. This made me feel better, as most lies usually make us feel better, and went along with it. Until I wasn’t ugly anymore.

When I decided to be physically presentable or, dare I say, not an ugly sack of shit, I met someone. Long story short, she gave me “hints”, and I willingly ignored them. I, for the first time, was the rejecter. This made my hate myself so badly, and it cost me at least 4 sleepless nights. It was a nightmare. Am I the heartless Ice Queen? Should I just take her on a date or two out of pity?

This was a life-changing event. My entire perspective on love and dating changed. I finally realized that there is no such thing as morality in love: you can’t love someone back out of pity, and you sure as hell can’t love on command. Antagonizing the rejecter just isn’t fair because it’s not their fault if you’re not attractive (I’m kidding Jesus Christ calm down). What I’m trying to say is, no simply means no. If you presented the best version of yourself to them and they turned you down, don’t waste your time or energy anymore: you can’t do better. And that’s fine. You’ll always have your friends and family to love unconditionally, and reciprocally, they’ll always love you back.

So if you find yourself in the “friendzone”, what can you do? I’ll give you some tips:
– Take care of yourself (smell nice, go to bed early the night before you decide to ask them out, etc.) and take a mint before you want to talk to him/her.
– Wear casual but well-ironed clothes.
– Tell them how you feel.
– Ask them out on a date.
– If they turn your offer down, realize that the friendzone is a concept created by the weaklings in order to make them feel better. You are above that. So move on with your life and don’t forget that a good power-cry with your closest friend is optimal in this situation if you want to go forward with your existence as quickly as possible.

In short, a certain level of stoicism is necessary to deal with rejection: it is useless to be unhappy or disappointed when faced to a situation which is out of our control (such as being faced with someone you love who can’t love you back). Shit happens, accept it with serenity and move on. You were meant to survive, and more importantly, to grow in strength and resilience.

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